厌

不喜欢 突冷突热

不喜欢 突然的开心 然后打回原形

不喜欢 看到了希望 结果得到的是失望

不喜欢 你答应了 结果完全不记得

不喜欢 觉得我们近了 然后又退了一大步

觉得自己可有可无

其实自己并没有那么重要

明明很痛 却告诉自己要相信

我希望你不会 ， 可是如果你有一天遇到了这样的情形

你会知道 那种用口讲不出的痛

p/s : ILY

Imma one and only

Don't really know what can describe my mood

Sad ? no. Tired ? no. Happy ? no.

Listen to my lil bro bout his problems

Kind of frustrated

Don't know what can I help

But his problem in fact made me linked to my own problem

Sorry that I can't be carefree

Sorry that I just can't stop being care

Sorry that I just can't stop loving

Sorry that I didn't mean to put you in this situation

Being nice and patience was to avoid making situation worse

Wasn't because I can do it

I do care

So what , does it mean things can change to what I want

Seriously don't know what's going on actually

Feels like gonna left out anytime any moment :(

__________________________________________

I miss you today

I miss you my dearest

I miss spending 24 hours with you

I hope you are alright out there with your new friends

You'll be in my heart always

__________________________________________

uoy evol yllaer I taht uoy llet annaw tsuj

ti si hcum woh wonk t'nod tsuj uoy

neppah ot elcarim rof gnitiaw llits m'I taht wonk t'nod

p/s : ILY

EmpTy

公平

光明 正大

都跟我 扯不上关系

V0yagE

It's been 8 months after all

Things happened without notice sometimes

Been thru a lot few weeks back

A lot which I wasn't even ready to deal with it

But one thing I knew I am regret

But it won't come back anymore

Everyday falling deeper than yesterday

Should it be that way?

Still , lots of question mark

No secure at all , honestly

Neither I'm tolerant or generous

I just don't wanna mess this thing out

No girls like to be like that

But ILY enough for me to put things aside and keep on in this

'unclear' situation

Unfair . But what ?

I don't know

I only know what I wanted so far is just a simple thing

which you couldn't do it

Your promises was sweet enough though

But it brings huge disappointment when you actually don't remember

and I'm still believe in it

p/s : ILY <3

Endless Trap

越 喜欢 想要的会更多

只是 并没有权利 更没有立场

我 很不平衡

P(L)AIN

Finally...its all over !

no more phase test...

u drive me crazy phase tests !!!

Hmm....

but still i got good return :)

out of my expectation

I can handle all these with my eyes close...

piece of cake.

BUT

when it comes to something else,

I could admit that I am the stupidest person in the whole entire world.

yes I am.

I'm totally lost :(

I dunno what am I doing

I dunno what do I want

I dunno where am I standing

I dunno who I am

I dunno anything !

to be honest, that's so unfair

but I have nothing to blame

I refused other options to put myself in this situation.

How good I am :/

I dunno how things will turns out at the end

I only can say this is not an easy game to play

lots to consider and the effect is huge

I myself knew that it won't work out at the end

I just dunno what am I insisting on

I can see the day I ask for quit

coz that's so difficult

no one can stand for long in this situation when you dunno what position are you in

pretending , avoid from guess , acting.

that's what we are doing

somehow that's not what I wanted.

I am just a normal girl who wants things girls want.

Please don't overestimate me

Even i could confused with happiness

Laugh = happy ?

I hope so

then at least I am

arghhhhh.....!!!

WHY ME?!

GOD ! u gotta be kidding me !

that's not fun !

hell ya !

please bring me something new

something normal !!!

still i am insisting

Slope

Totally broke down

Letting go or keep living in complication

Shittt !

Revolution

Its been months I didn't sign up for my blog.

Things changed, changed dramatically.

I am now back to single.

Honestly, I didn't expect this day to come that fast.

I was in shock with a broken heart :(

I dunno where to begin but yes , everything has come to the end.

A new chapter has just started.

Frankly speaking, it wouldn't be so easy without 'you'.

I dunno whether I have made a right decision to started all these but I'm kinda addicted with it.

It wasn't easy at all for sure.

When the time possession is taking control of me.

I never thought that I will be in this kind of situation,

which I will never allow myself to involved before I did.

Maybe is the facts or things I've been thru.

I really don't mind to bet on this.

Is just either win or lose.

Though 99% of it will be on lose :p

Against 'you', I never ask for more.

Cuz I know I dont have such right .

And I dont want to cross the line or else, I want it be totally mine.

Sorry did hurt me, even worse than what I saw with my eyes.

It doesnt mean it could heal the wound.

In fact, I really care .

But still, I won't let 'you' read my mind.

Cuz I dont wanna put 'you' in a difficult situation.

Anyway,thanks for everything.

Mis3rable

Im losing it...

really losing it

why did I let it started at the beginning?!

I should have know that it will be torturing myself one day

But...

I only can apologize to myself coz I am hurting myself

I really fall for it

I wish it could be all mine but

I realised it wont be at the beginning

Still, I wish

I wish I could force myself to quit!

Random~

5 months later finally i feel like update my blog

nothing much happened

went to internship for 3 months in The Royale Bintang Hotel

ishhh...

exhausted training

but luckily i could get over it...

then here come the new semester

4 subjects including financial management 2!!!

dont feel like study and focus this semester

dunno whats wrong

Perhaps, something made me lose my concentration.

Bunny Year...

most boring new year ever

nothing can do except gambling and gambling and gambling

Addicted to Purest of Pain these days.....

cant stop listen to it...

oh God...

please put me out of my misery

I drive myself crazy:(

Alternatives

Am i thinking too much???

i am exhausted!!!

i dunno why u seem to be like a stranger to me sometimes

but i just know that i cant let go

i have no other choices

wish u could understand...

i need P-R-I-V-A-C-Y!!!!

Chinese New Year...wuhoo~

finally chinese new year break past...
nothing special for me during cny...
but its just for me to rest...
the day before cny,went to grandma's hse for reunion dinner...
and of course angpao la...:D
in the middle of the night,prepared for prayer...
fireworks started to play and all of us was standing in front of the house to enjoy the fireworks...
2am we went back home and started to prepare for welcoming 'cai shen'...
went to bed at 3.30am after finished all the works...

------------------------------------------------------------------------

first day of cny=valentine's day
same routine like every year we did...
same places,same activities...
but had a very lonely valentine.
fortunately he came online at the night to talk to me...

we were doing the same thing til the 6th day...
gamble,eat,drink,visiting relatives....
til the 7th day,went to my uncle's hse in Desapark City...
drank with my aunty sice she kept nagging that no1 accompany her to drink.
i drank almost 3 glass of Cordon Bleu...
its not that bad actually but i dont like to drink alcohol...
reached home at 2am that day

and i am wondering why i didnt even feel dizzy after drinking the 3 glasses of alcohol...


the next day,went to my dad friend's hse...
of course the adults were gamble over there...
and my bro was the only half adult who gamble with them...:D
one of the uncle is so damn funny,
i cant stop laughing when he started to talk..
actually......he never stop talking for a min...
then we went for dinner nearby ss2...
the dinner cost 2000++
but nothing special,for me it doesnt worth this price...
after dinner,went to grandma's hse again for prayer...
which is very important prayer for Hokkien...
the fireworks was everywhere...it was like a war...
but it was beautiful...

college reopen day....
ponteng!!!
bcoz last night went to bed very late...
luckily i didnt go to college bcoz i heard that the classes was cancelled...
aduii~
everytime cancel class.....
they cancel class more than i ponteng class....
haiz...

but today everything become normal again...

im waiting for July......
cant wait for him to come back...

it's SALES_a new beginning_a new stage

its along time i haven update my blog...
im backkkk~
today is already the 2nd week of year 2010...
time goes fly...
hmm...
i had a lonely Christmas and New Year actually...
felt like im wasnt in a good mood to hang out with friends
just wanted to stay alone in my own world...
and i felt like i had wasted my holiday...
i should go to work and earn money but i sleep ,eat and watched TV everyday at home
but then i do shop a lot during holiday..
hoho~
1U ,1U, and 1U...
i have no idea why i love 1U so much
Padini,Voir,Nichii,Kitchen,Vincci...
OMG...
SALES...
70%...
i bought almost 8 clothes for new year
4 pants
3 pairs of shoes...
haha...
happy~
but of course spent quite a lot of money
need to earn back...

--------------------------------------------------------------

our 3rd sem started few days ago...
feel happy and fresh to meet my friends again...
but i went for driving test on wednesday...
failed...!
2nd day...
went to college early in the morning and we received a big surprise....
CLASS CANCELLED...
holly shit...
what for i woke up and come to college?!
somemore have to waste money for taxi and bus...
this is what our college always gives us...
a terrible time table and a 'big' surprise...
this sem group A had divided into 2 group...
im seperate with Chin and Ling..
my god~
how am i supposed to live in that group???
result revealed...
1A,1C+
it was out of my expectation...
i got A for CUIT?!?!
our assignment was messed up.!
whatever...
but i am disappointed with my result for food studies...
coz i paid a lot of attention in this subject...
wondering whats the problem..
sigh...
feel like failure...
coz u always want me to get a good result...
and i oso promised u to get it but i didnt...
anyway,i'll pay more attention in this sem...

----------------------------------------------------------------

new year , new aim, new goal
i am happy bcoz we were so nice to each other these day=no argument
i really learned a lot from u...
i know how to tolerate and be understanding...
not acting like a child...although sometimes i am still like a child
both of us know how much u did and changed for me
and i did as well...
2nd year of our relationship...
i really appreciate...
bcoz no1 ever make me feel this way..
be mine always~
wish u could come back and be with me during new year...

twilight saga-new moon

went for movie at 1u last saturday with mummy and bro...

twilight saga-new moon...

actually wanted to go with my boy but he wasnt here...

thats why...

but i still prefer the previous episod...

this episod is showing more on their relation.

the end of the movie reminded me a lot of things..

especially when Edward asked Bella to wait for him for 5 years...

actually this movie is more suitable for couples...

but i dont have anyone to accompany me,so i asked mummy to go with me...

she kept complained that the story was too slow motion...

kept telling that boring...

haha~

after movie,went for lunch-Pizza hut...

then shopping hour!!!

i bought a shirt for myself...

i wanted to buy a pair of shoes but we need to get back home at 4...

mummy bought 2 FILA shirts...70% discount...quite worth...

i still remembered the 1st time she went to the same shop...

it was so crowded...

and she disappeared in front of us in 3 seconds...

when i found her,she was searching her shirts in auntie gang...

so horrible...!

before we went home,i went to jusco to look for a bag...

mummy promised me to buy it for me as my birthday gift...

but i counldnt find it...

fine...

went to Kepong Jusco at night...

had dinner at there...

then try to look for the bag...

finally,i found 'u'...

and i bought it...

happy~

Carlo Rino bag...

i love Carlo Rino products lately...

latest me~

looking forward for the day u watch the movie with me...

up and down

i feel u walk beside me ,i know i'll see u again
tonight,i becomes a silly girl again
my tears drop for another time...
i dunno why i am so confused at this moment
i know i think too much which will make us become worse...
but when the time passed day by day,i only feel that u are one step futher from me again
wondering whether anyone of us changed?
u or me?
i felt that i am no longer important for u...
there are many things that u never pay attention on...
those are the things that make us feel strange...
i dunno how can i explain to u eventhough u ask me
feel it urself...sincerely...
u changed me and when i already get used to it,something changed and i forced to change
my god...!
wish everything will goes fine like b4...
i dun mind to give up everything...
just wish to have life like b4...
happy us...always together
when i was sad...cried in ur ams
naughty us...always do something funny
lovely u...always protect me from hurt
pity me...always bullied by u...
ii only wish to have whatt i used to have b4...
thats all...:(

HapPy sWe3t 18

finally,i am 18 ...!!!

yuhooo~

yesterday was my birthday...

at first,dad decided to buy KFC and have a simple celebration at my grandma's house...

but received aunt's call at last minute said that she wont able to come bcoz she has dinner...

so,postpone to Sunday=today afternoon.

yesterday,i went for second driving lesson...

damn tired although i've learned it b4...

after that went back home and slept for 2 hours...

at night,went for dinner with my family...

daddy brought us to Desapark city to have our dinner...

its a French restaurant...

it was a nice place...

it is facing to the lake and the night view was so nice.

the food was nice too...

i found the benefit of learning cooking class...

haha...

coz i could understand the ingredient stated in the menu...

my dishes:Carbonara

mummy's

my bro

after dinner went to selayang mall to buy mouse and earphone...

coz daddy bought a wireless modem...

so i can use my laptop already...at anytime i want...

reached home at 10 something and get ready to chat with dear...

but i told him that i wont be able to online for 1 week bcoz need to install the modem...

at last only i realized that i was cheated by my bro...

it only takes few minute to finish...

stupid~

played fb until 12am...

i sent him some msg on msn...

he reply me right after i sent the msg...

i was so happy coz i thought he wont be online...

we chat or a while

he sent me a photo and told me something which really surprise me...

he said he made a party for me over there...

although i wasnt there,but i can feel the happiness and the situation of the party..

i was soooooooo surprise...

i couldnt believe that he did that for me...

how good if u were here with me....?!

thank u so much my dear...

what u have done for me is the best memory for my birthday...
and u also gave me the best gift...

thats all i wanted the most...

thank u...:-*

Asheghetam...

this was the cake from dear...

i use it as my wallpaper

love it so much

***by the way,thanks for my friends and those who

sent me the wishes on fb and sms...

thank guys...

----------------------------------------------------------------------

and today...

had a very simple celebration at grandma's house...

received many 'ang pao' ...

haha....

got money to shopping ady...

haha...

my birthday cake from family...

just now went for dinner with my uncles and aunts...

they treat me as my birthday present...

thank them so much...coz it wasnt cheap...

quite expensive...

paiseh...

thats all for my birthday celebrations...

hope my wishes will come true and have a happy birthday...

thanks again guys...

and of course my boy for giving me an unforgettable memory...

good night...sweet dream...

relax~peace

hey...
its a long time that i haven update my blog due to assignment and exams...
becoz this sem is a short sem and its only 2 months...
so,everything have to rush...
finally having holiday now...
thank God..
i really need rest...
this sem...for me i dont really like it...
although food studies practical class is quite fun but another subject made me lose my temper.
assignment...like rubbish + group member problem...
thats enough to make me crazy...
somemore the lecturer kept asked us to see her and talk about the problem
hell! i dont think there is anything to explain anymore...
my mood spoiled becoz of this matter.
nonsense...

-------------------------------------------------------------

today is my last day for this sem = last exam day = food studies practical exam
it was full of fun..
i was too excited b4 the exam...
my station was in the cold kitchen and only me and Yuki are there
so it was quite peace and i could concentrate on my works..
my dessert >>> chocolate mousse...
very successful coz it wasnt too thick...:D
chickpeas salad and fillet as main course.
luckily i could finish b4 1.30pm...
i dont know why i put my dishes at the 1st table..
and an indian lecturer came and sit at my place
then only i know he is the judge for my dishes.
my god...
he asked me so many question that i dunno how to answer...
he was so strict...
i lose most of my marks becoz of him...
or maybe my dishes wasnt delicious at all...:(
whatever...
i aim A for this subject,i hope i can get it.

---------------------------------------------------------

last week,went to my cousin sis's college.
she is going to graduate on this coming January
she is taking fashion design course.
so i went to be her model...:D
i met her friends from high sku...
they are so nice and of course leng lui...
its actually a good experience for me:)
i loves to stay infront of camera.
i wish i could do something to make my life become busy
then i wont always think about the thing which will make me sad

---------------------------------------------------------

i am out of my mood right now...
i feel the only thing that i want being far and far away from me
in a short time...
why its like u always forget what did u told me?
and i should accept the decision u made????
i am selfish but i really dont want to be in this situation anymore...!!!!

recently

recently,i am busy with my study...
this semester is a short semester...
only 2 months...
and 3 weeks were gone...
gosh...
i feel stressful...
and few days ago we started to cook something in food studies practical class...
we cooked stock...
its a base for food...
this was the 1st time for me to cut the chicken ...
yiak~
it was so geli.....
after that,put all the ingredients and boil it...
thats nothing special bcoz the procedure was almost same for both of the stock...
and yesterday we learned about sauce...
we cooked 3 sauces...
1st sauce is 'Bechamel' sauce which is normally use for pasta...
and the 2nd sauce is supreme sauce...
after we made both of the sauces,we started to try the taste of our sauces...
and our chef cooked some fish and fillet for us...

haha

so good....
while waiting for chef to prepare his sauce
we juz fool around...
the sauce needs some wine to improve its flavor...
1 of our classmate has a bottle of wine in his car and he donates his wine ...
haha...
u guess what we do after he opened the bottle???
7 of us finished a bottle of wine during class...
my face was red like an apple...:D
after the class we ate the chicken cooked by chef ...
with the sauce....
it was so perfect...
we sat with few of our lecturers and chat for awhile...

--------------------------------------------------------------

and today,

we learned about soup...
vegetable soup with pasta inside there...



and the soup we wanted to learn the most......


mushroom soup

and the last one


leek and potato soup

i am killing myself to remember all the steps
i am going to cook for someone :-*

-------------------------------------------------------------

obviously,
im not in a good mood these day.
my study,the distance,the feeling of missing u...
i feel so stress bcoz of these things...
and yesterday...
my mum told me something and made me really lose my temper...
who u all think u are???
I am killing myself to tolerate the distance and study hard...
I dont even dare to cry in front of u all when i am sad...
I am just waiting for what I want...
I dont need comments from u all...
I know what am I doing!!!!
no matter what will happen in the future,it's my problem...
keep ur mouth shut...
bcoz u all are elder than me and I respect u all ,thats y i keep quiet...
dont force me to be cruel...
last 2 week,i got my result for last semester...
i got 3A,1B...
its all bcoz of 1 of ur sentence...
i did my revision everyday
and i did it,i did what I've promised u and u are the only one who will appreciate what I've done..
I am happy bcoz u are happy bcoz of me,and i really made u proud of me...
I will keep it up til I get the best result...
thank you dear...

I'm already there

He called her on the road
From a lonely cold hotel room
Just to hear her sayI love you one more time
But when he heard the sound of the kids laughing in the background
He had to wipe away a tear from his eye
A little voice came on the phone
Said "Daddy when you coming home"
He said the first thing that came to his mind

I'm already there
Take a look around
I'm the sunshine in your hair
I'm the shadow on the ground
I'm the whisper in the wind
I'm your imaginary friend
And I knowI'm in your prayers
Oh I'm already there

She got back on the phone
Said I really miss you darling
Don't worry about the kids they'll be alright
Wish I was in your arms
Lying right there beside you
But I know that I'll bein your dreams tonight
And I'll gently kiss your lips
Touch you with my fingertips
So turn out the lightand close your eyes

Oh I’m already there
Don’t make a sound
I’m the beat in your heart
I’m the moonlight shining down
I’m the whisper in the wind
And I’ll be there until the end
Can you feel the love that we share
Oh I’m already there

We may be a thousand miles apart
But I’ll be with you wherever you are

new sem new subject new life

2day i started my 2nd semester ...
damn boring coz our classs has divided into 2 groups...
that means 1 group only has 8 person...
how are we going to concentrate in class???
im sure it will be too too too boring and sleepy...
food studies theory class only 5 students attended the class...
i wanted to sleep but the lecturer was looking at me...
and the morning class has cancelled....
so we have to stay in the college until 2pm for the last class...
holy shit..
3 hours....
then me,Chin and Yen Pin went to centerpoint ...
bought waffer as my breakfast..
went to Twins Baby for awhile...
met Jimmy...
he kept asking me to go Iran and calling me Iran...
haha....
he is damn funny...
i dont feel like working anymore...
lazy + dear and mummy asked me to concentrate on my study ...
i think i'll listen to them...
i always listen to them...:D

---------------------------------------------------------------

today i saw someone when i had my lunch at MCD...
i dunno how to describe my feeling...
i can say that is hate...
i dun even want to look at him...
as my boy ordered me not to talk to him...
i was thinking why he can stay here and do whatever he likes...
and i should being apart with my boy...
it shouldnt be like this...
the world is upside down...
wrong can be right and right can be wrong...
the world is gonna end...